Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Moment in time

This is my Moment in time
Swimming Relays


WALT choose words that describe a moment (in an exciting way) for the reader
SUCCESS CHECKLIST
  • begins in the action
  • present tense (I am, not I was)
  • some short, sharp sentences; mixed with some longer ones
  • strong verbs
  • uses the senses (look, feel, hear, taste, smell)
  • language features (simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia, metaphor)
  • show personality (sounds like you, humour, feelings, exaggeration)


The water is freezing cold!!! It feels like I am in a block of ice.Splash I fall into the Water I run as fast as I can go. my feet feel numb as I run threw the icey cold water.It smells like chlorine chemicals.I get close to the end and I jump out Goosebumps run thery my body I run across and get my towel I can't move it is so cold.All I hear is Cheering people saying go Kea,Go Pokeko,Go tui and the outer houses.It is my turn now I go sit down on the cold concrete and it is a flutter board race I hoped in and put the flutter board in front of me and I kick with my legs.IT IS SO COLD!!!.I get to the end and give the next person the flutter board I sit there the wind blows on me I shiver because it is so cold.


EVERYONE SWAP!! .I go up on the bench again I wrap my towel around myself .GO KEA!!! I feel cold my toes are numb.the cold air blows my hair left.I hop back on the solid hard ground and sit there while I wait for my turn.I put my goggles on then I plop into the water and grab the spoon and egg and then I run super fast I run as fast as possible my fingers are so cold I give the egg and spoon to the next person then they hop in and go I cheer them on GO KEA YAY!!!


IF YOU WANT TO GET OUT YOU CAN GET OUT AFTER THIS LAST RACE EVERYONE ALSO THERE IS A FREE SWIM IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED!!!The last one is egg and spoon again I look at the water and there are leafs and bugs I look at everyone they are so cold I decided not to do the last one just watch.Once it finished I  went into room 9 to get changed.

1 comment: